and i am as i was, sick with mercy and love

hours played: 79
chapter: five :(

honor: very high
status: very much has tuberculosis
currently: avoiding his inevitable death by trying to see as many strangers, points of interest, collectibles, and all that other stuff as possible. do it scared but instead do it with the cough of someone who really should be like getting some antibiotics

ok so nobody tell me that arthur morgan is a terrible person who deserves everything yadda yadda because like yes! but like no!!?? like yeah i'm not saying he's a sweet baby angel. that's a grown ass man making grown ass choices with consequences! but like also!! what a sad story playing out before me that puts my heart in a death grip

like i read this article once saying that arthur morgan was not a good person etc etc. and like maybe? i don't know how to quantify good like that! but also we are all products of our environments. we all are capable of really good or really horrific things! arthur does both like consistently because he truly lives this trope of like. the loyal dog who cannot and will not bite its master, even when his own conscience is absolutely pointing him in the right direction. like he is so sure he is dumb and has such low self-worth that it's like he just has no faith in his own judgment. or maybe just has too much faith in dutch and seeing him beyond what he was.

i have lots to say about the story and mechanics of rdr2 but the little bit i can put into words today is just. how good the game is at building up the tragedy. i love tragic games like so much. love a game that makes me cry! but i have had to take 2 breaks from rdr2 because theres like real heartache when i play

also every time i play i am also sick? rdr2 contagion

one thing i think was done really well is the like emotional attachment to arthur the player gets. like i've spent 79 (as of writing this part i guess) hours with this guy. with also like this really diegetic design in some of (not all) of the game. like we have this journal that narrates arthur's inner monologue. it updates periodically. he has like this really strong artistic talent and he writes and thinks so eloquently, especially when compared to how he speaks. its designed in such a way that we are encouraged to get really attached to him, i think!

i went into this game with like. very little knowledge despite it being out since 2018 (i am writing this in 2025). i decided to remedy that really quickly because i needed to know exactly which characters died, all their fates, and some of the major story beats. would i suggest that? i! don't know? i feel like it's been very interesting to have some idea of what's going to happen, but also not all the details. it's nice to know which characters are going to somehow leave arthur's life, for me at least, because it also really illuminates his feelings about them? i can pay attention more to his interactions with him and think about that, i guess!!

anyhoots i am not yet done with it so more thoughts later!